Re-intubated...again

Caydence had to be re-intubated again this morning. I knew it was coming since last night. Around 6 last night she just started getting really agitated and took a long time to settle. We went up on her sedation and she seemed pretty good. We think she was actually on too much sedation but the doctor didn't want to touch it because we didn't want her waking up too much and getting too worked up. She did pretty good all night considering she was basically just knocked out with so much sedation on board. Around 6 this morning she started getting agitated again and got pretty worked up. Her co2 started creeping up higher and higher and so did her heart rate. We gave her a while to get settled but she never did and her co2 was too high. When the doctors listened to her she sounded like she was able to get the air in but not get it out. So they called anesthesia and 20 minutes later he was here and they put the breathing tube back in. It didn't take them as many tries as last time but it seemed like it was still pretty difficult. After the tube was back in and everything had calmed down the doctor tried explaining to us what she was thinking and basically told us that we will still look on Monday in OR with ENT but she wont be getting extubated again because it is not safe and she will end up needing to get a tracheostomy so we really need to start entertaining the idea. The idea of tracheostomy is not entertaining in any way to us. I know that it would probably benefit her but I just can't get over the idea. Out of everything that Caydence has had done to her over these last 4 months, tracheostomy is the most scary to me. It's not that I don't think we would be able to handle it, because I know we will do just fine, it's just everything that's comes along with it. Our whole life will be so different. I've just been thinking that we have to get past this whole hospital thing and when we get home we will be somewhat back to normal. If Caydence ends up getting a trach, nothing will be normal. Who knows if we will even be able to make it home with her, and even if we do that means we will basically have a nurse living with us. Don't get me wrong, I will do whatever it takes to have Caydence home, it is just going to be so different. I'm just really torn with the decision. If it's what she really needs then that's what we will do. This has got to be the most difficult decision we will have to make. I am just so over everything and just want to be home. I really don't know how much more we can take. So we just have to wait and see what will be found on Monday. Hopefully it will just be something that they can fix, but if not then we have some big decisions to make and see where our life goes from there.